


perfect, flawless; broken, missing

by euphemea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Excessive Use of Internal Narration, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 09:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11078346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphemea/pseuds/euphemea
Summary: Iwaizumi hasn't been himself lately, Oikawa doesn't know what's wrong, and the two of them can't seem to find their perfect trust.Oikawa just wants things to be normal, the way they always have been.Iwaizumi needs something to change because the status quo isn't working.





	perfect, flawless; broken, missing

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [tobioz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tobioz/) for beta-ing this chapter for me!

Iwaizumi has been acting weird lately. Not that he isn’t usually weird what with the bug collecting as a child and continual purchasing of any and all Godzilla paraphernalia, and this isn’t at the level of “replaced-by-aliens” weird yet (though it would be cool if that happened, Oikawa’s always wanted to be best friends with an alien), but he’s been distant and more short-tempered in some ways and oddly nice and accommodating in others. Iwaizumi even bought him milkbread without any complaint the other day after practice (to which Oikawa had quickly pressed his forehead to Iwaizumi’s to make sure that he wasn’t sick or something and received a headbutt for his troubles). 

Not only that, but this weirdness has been affecting his play on the court, to the point where nearly half of Iwaizumi’s practice serves are uncontrolled and at least one of every five is out. He’d even once been hit in the head with the volleyball when trying to spike Oikawa’s toss. Hanamaki had laughed his ass off and Kindaichi had offered a concerned “Iwaizumi-san! Are you feeling okay?” but Iwaizumi had just snapped at Hanamaki to shut up and told Kindaichi he was fine, and that had apparently been the end of that. 

Except that it hadn’t been, because while Iwaizumi’s serves became less erratic, the two of them were still out of sync. Iwaizumi would spike the ball, but it’s like the perfect understanding between the two of them that’s built from years of friendship had been replaced by frosted glass, and Oikawa can no longer see him clearly through their partnership anymore.

And anyway, if there’s anything Oikawa can’t stomach, it’s not being able to bring out the best in his team. Well, that, and the team has taken to shooting him looks every time Iwaizumi screws up, and it really is his duty as captain, setter, and best friend to figure out what it is that’s wrong with him. Oikawa can’t really stomach being implicitly blamed for something he has no idea how he caused. 

Except that… he’s stumped. Oikawa has been wracking his brain since the incident with the horribly missed spike and he can’t think of a single thing that had changed in Iwaizumi’s life that would have led to this sudden change in behavior. Maybe he really was replaced by an alien? It’s infuriating that he can’t figure it out. He and Iwaizumi have been friends since they were tiny, since before volleyball, and he’s never not known something about Iwaizumi before. As much as Iwaizumi knows all of Oikawa’s bullshit, Oikawa can usually gladly say that he knows the same of Iwaizumi.

This time, he really has no clue of what to do next to fix the Iwaizumi Problem. It’s been putting him on edge, not being to communicate perfectly with the person he knows best. It’s unsettling, and he doesn’t like it in the least.

Oikawa wants his best friend back to normal.

Though… if the looks that Matsukawa and Hanamaki have been shooting him mean anything, they probably have a better idea than he does of what’s wrong. 

He’s been putting off asking them because he’s not ready to swallow his pride and let them demand something from him (or worse, hold it over his head for weeks or months). But the Spring High Tournament (their last high school tournament) is coming up soon, and if he doesn’t get a move on, there won’t be time to fix whatever this is and make sure the team is in shape in time. And, you know, it would be nice to have his best friend back to normal, because it’s really concerning that Iwaizumi isn’t at the top of his game and can’t seem to be in sync with Oikawa. 

He’ll just have to suffer through whatever punishment Hanamaki and Matsukawa give him. Iwaizumi better appreciate all the suffering he’s going through to help him. But in any case, he can  _probably_  put off asking the troublesome duo until lunch. Right? 

~~~

Hanamaki bursts out laughing. 

Matsukawa raises an eyebrow at Oikawa and he pouts in response. “I regret asking you two for help already. I forgot that you two are even meaner than Iwa-chan!”

Hanamaki continues laughing, showing no signs of intending to calm himself, and Matsukawa’s lips twitch before he settles into a smirk. 

“Captain. You’re being too harsh on Iwaizumi.” Matsukawa drawls out.

Oikawa can feel the vein in temple twitch violently. He knows the two idiots have seen Iwaizumi’s performance suffering, even if it’s probably less dramatic than he’s making it out to be.

“Wha- what’s in it- in it for us?” Hanamaki huffs out through his chuckles. 

Oikawa frowns. See, he knew this would happen. “Don’t you want to help your team? Your beloved, amazing captain? Don’t you want to win? If Iwa-chan keeps missing, we’re going to have a lot of trouble at the Spring High Tournament!! I mean, it’s not like we’re not strong without Iwa-chan, but still! We need him!”

Matsukawa shakes his head. “No dice, Oikawa. You gotta pay us back for helping you.” 

“What! So rude, you should be helping me! Helping our team!” 

Matsukawa holds his hand out, and Hanamaki quickly follow suit, still chuckling all the while. “Pay up, Oikawa.” 

Oikawa vibrates in frustration. “Fine! What do you want! You better make this worth your price!”

Hanamaki and Matsukawa withdraw their hands, turn towards each other, and grin. “Should we shave his head?”

“Ban him from milk bread for a month?”

“Have him serenade his class during math?”

“Make him buy us new volleyball shoes!”

“Nah, that’s not worth it, he’d probably do it anyway.”

“That’s true.” Hanamaki agrees. They turn back to Oikawa. “We’ll decide and tell you later, but it’ll be worth at least two bowls of the largest and best ramen. Each.”

“Actually, ramen doesn’t sound too bad.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty hungry right now since Oikawa here is interrupting our wonderful lunch time.” Hanamaki and Matsukawa exchange smirks before Hanamaki nods and turns back to Oikawa. “Okay, why don’t we make it three large ramen bowls each. Your treat.”

“I like the sound of that.”

Oikawa lets out a low whine in protest, but Hanamaki and Matsukawa just continue to stare at him, showing no signs of relenting. “Makki! Mattsun! Have some sympathy for your poor captain.”

Matsukawa lifts an eyebrow but neither he nor Hanamaki say anything.

When the silence has stretched beyond the edge of Oikawa’s patience, he finally relents. “Fine! You’re so rude, demanding so much from Oikawa-san. Now tell me what you know about Iwa-chan!”

“Shake on it, Oikawa.” Hanamaki and Matsukawa again extend their hands again, and Oikawa quickly shakes them.

“Tell me about Iwa-chan!”

Their grins widen. Hanamaki begins chuckling again, making Matsukawa throw him a look before turning back to Oikawa to answer. “Actually, you’ll just have to talk to Iwaizumi about this. It isn’t our place to tell you.”

Oikawa lets out an affronted noise (which is definitely  _not_  a squawk, no matter how Iwaizumi might classify it). “If you’re not going to tell me anything, I’m not buying you any ramen!”

“Too late, Oikawa, you already shook on it. You agreed to buy us ramen in exchange for us telling you what we can about Iwaizumi, and now we’re telling you what we can.”

Oikawa feels his blood boil as the awful twosome turn to each other and high-five. Ugh, Oikawa’s had enough. He can’t believe he fell for their extremely obvious trick.

“You guys are terrible! Trying to cheat your poor captain this way!” he yells as he stomps away.  “And I’m not paying!”

~~~

Oikawa manages to corner Iwaizumi after practice. Well, not really corner him, since they often walk home together anyway (because he won’t go home if Iwaizumi’s not there to babysit him, Iwaizumi would say), but he catches Iwaizumi alone. 

“Iwa-chan! Let’s walk home together!” Oikawa yells as he catches Iwaizumi by the arm, pulling him away from the gym.

Iwaizumi throws him a concerned look and deliberately shakes off Oikawa’s grip. The warm feeling from Oikawa’s grip lingers anyway. “You’re really not going to even try to staying late today? Not that I’m complaining, since you don’t know how to take care of yourself, but this is just… unexpected.”

Oikawa pouts slightly. “Iwa-chan has no faith in me. I’m your beloved captain! You should trust me more.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll trust you when you can prove that you should be trusted.” Iwaizumi’s grins slightly and there’s no bite to his words. 

They walk in companionable silence, Iwaizumi occasionally shooting Oikawa questioning glances. It’s not often that Oikawa has so little to talk about on their walks home. But it’s not like Iwaizumi finds the silence is a bad thing either, and Iwaizumi whistles the theme from newest song from JAM Project to fill the quiet atmosphere. 

Finally, less than 200 meters from Oikawa’s front door, at where they usually go their separate ways, Oikawa reaches out and grabs Iwaizumi by the elbow, forcing him to halt. Iwaizumi blinks in confusion but turns toward Oikawa anyway. “Iwa-chan… If something’s wrong, you know you can tell me right?”

Iwaizumi frowns in confusion. Had he been acting differently today? All-in-all, it had been a pretty normal day. His bento had been delicious, if it a little underwhelming in terms of quantity. He’d managed to stay awake and take notes in all of his classes. Practice had more or less gone as usual, sweaty and purposefully avoiding staring too long at a certain setter’s ass. It’s frustrating that practice hadn’t been as perfect as it could have been, but he’d done well, and the team had cooperated, and Kyoutani had shown up again for the third day in a row. Honestly, the only slight change from usual was that Oikawa was conspicuously missing during lunch, but since they were in different classes, it happened occasionally anyway.

At Iwaizumi’s lack of response, Oikawa shakes him slightly. Iwaizumi bristles at the renewed contact, and pushes Oikawa’s hand away. “Iwa-chan! Today you missed 3 serves on good serve tosses, you almost missed that one spike that I set you after Makki received Kyouken-chan’s cross from Yahaba, and you collided with Kindaichi more often than usual. You’re distracted. What’s going on?”

Iwaizumi internally cringes at the reminders of his failures. Had he really been doing that poorly? At this rate, he was never going to catch up to Oikawa. “Was I… was I really doing that badly? Shit. I didn’t even realize. I’m sorry, Oikawa.”

Iwaizumi inhales a shaky breath. Fuck. He’s never going to be good enough, is he? If he can’t even realize how distracted he is… Shit, how is he ever going to be the ace that Oikawa needs? His feelings are getting in the way, and he’s not even noticing when they get out of control. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi lets out a hollow laugh. “I keep stopping you from taking extra practice, but clearly I’m the one who needs it more. I’ll work harder. I won’t let you down anymore. I know what the problem is. I promise I won’t let it happen again.”

Iwaizumi turns, head down, and stalks towards his own home, leaving Oikawa bewildered and even more concerned than he had been before their walk.

~~~

It’s a late night with little sleep for Iwaizumi. He only sees two options left: somehow discard his feelings or tell Oikawa about them. The third option of avoiding them altogether seems to have failed him, and he’s not sure what to do next. 

Iwaizumi is a man of action. Practically speaking, it was more realistic to tell Oikawa because it’s the only option that gives him something notable to do. But he can’t stand to lose Oikawa either, and he can’t be sure Oikawa won’t reject him.

Iwaizumi eventually falls asleep, but it’s not an easy rest.

~~~

Iwaizumi stops abruptly, allowing the front door to slam shut loudly behind him. Normally, he and Oikawa meet at the corner, or he goes to Oikawa’s home to make him hurry up so they’re not late to morning practice. Oikawa is almost never ready before him, and certainly never picks Iwaizumi up. At yet, there he is, smiling brightly as he turns toward Iwaizumi. It’s a little forced, and Oikawa’s got dark shadows beneath his eyes that Iwaizumi knows Oikawa will pretend aren’t there, but Oikawa’s still breathtakingly beautiful at 6:30 in the morning. 

Dammit. He wasn’t supposed to let his feelings get in the way anymore. 

“Iwa-chan! Let’s go, sleepyhead!” Oikawa starts their walk towards Aoba Jousai, and Iwaizumi jolts into awareness that he had been staring blankly at his best friend for a good half minute. Blushing and muttering angrily to himself, Iwaizumi hurries to catch up to Oikawa.

“Iwa-chan shouldn’t worry so much. You didn’t even let me say anything before you stalked off last night! And you didn’t respond to any of my emails. But it’s okay. The great Oikawa-san is magnanimous and kind and will forgive your slights.”

Iwaizumi feels his blood pressure rising thanks to the wonderful Oikawa-san’s prattling and raises his arm to slap Oikawa lightly on the back of the head. He ends up hitting him harder than intended when Oikawa stops abruptly, and before he can apologize, Oikawa quickly turns to face him.

“Hajime. You looked really upset yesterday.” Iwaizumi’s jaw drops in surprise and he stares, unsure whether to be more shocked at the use of his first name or the fact that Oikawa didn’t preface it with whining about being hit. “I’m your best friend, and you know you can tell me anything right? I know I can be kind of a dumbass, but I’m worried about you, Hajime.”

And then, Iwaizumi sees his answer. This is the chance to just get it out of his system, to tell Oikawa his feelings. Maybe they can move past it, hopefully they don’t fall apart. But not telling Oikawa has so far as netted him poor volleyball performance and nothing else. He has to do something.

Oikawa looks at Iwaizumi with concerned seriousness, and Iwaizumi can physically feel his heart surge with affection. He doesn’t want to ever lose this friendship, but the past weeks have shown that something has to change. 

“Oikawa. I love you.”

~~~

Oikawa can hear something shatter inside himself. Oikawa’s heart feels lodged in his throat, and he can feel himself shaking, whether from euphoria or fear, he doesn’t really know. Whatever he had expected, it hadn’t been that. He doesn’t know how to deal with it.

“Well, of course! Everyone loves the great Oikawa-san,” he hears himself say. Wait, no, that’s not what he meant. 

The hurt reaction is written painfully on Iwaizumi’s face. Oikawa wants to make it go away, but he doesn’t know what to say.

“Don’t worry Iwa-chan! I don’t know why you were so embarrassed about this. I mean, there’s no one who doesn’t love me.” Oikawa feels his stomach drop at his own words. Why can’t he stop his mouth from running? 

Iwaizumi’s expression hardens. “Never mind. I don’t know what I was expecting.”

Iwaizumi pushes past Oikawa roughly, head down, accelerating at an alarming pace.

Oikawa watches him, frozen, before snapping out of his trance. He has to fix this. Iwaizumi is hurting, and it’s his fault. Volleyball be damned, his best friend is more important. “Iwa-chan, wait!” 

Iwaizumi’s shoulders hunch further and his pace quickens. 

Oikawa sprints down the road, full tilt, determined to catch Iwaizumi and fix this, whatever it is. Iwaizumi throws a quick glance over his shoulder and begins to run as well when he catches sight of Oikawa catching up to him.

“Iwa! Chan! I! Said! Wait!” Oikawa huffs out each word in between breaths as he chases Iwaizumi down. He dimly acknowledges that it might be difficult to catch Iwaizumi since Oikawa isn’t as quick at sprints. 

“Hell no!” 

“Iwa-chan! Please!”

Suddenly, the fight seems to go out of Iwaizumi and he slows to a jog and then to a walk. Oikawa, still determined to catch Iwaizumi in case he changes his mind and tries to run away again, bowls straight into him at full speed, and they both tumble face-first into the grass at the side of the road. 

“Iwa-chan! I’m sorry!”

“Get off me!” 

“No way!”

They’re a little bruised and battered, but Oikawa’s stubborn and so is Iwaizumi, so there’s no telling if Iwaizumi will try to run off again. Oikawa sits back on Iwaizumi’s legs and crosses his arms, ready to wait out Iwaizumi struggling to get up. Iwaizumi’s strong, but Oikawa is still bigger and has better leverage in the position they’re in. He’s not going to lose.

Eventually, Iwaizumi gives up, flops back onto the ground, and sighs. When he speaks, it’s toneless and tired. “Let me go, Oikawa. …You’ve already rejected me, there’s no need to rub it in more.”

Oikawa’s heart begins trying to hammer its way out of his chest and panic rises with the bile in his throat. He needs to apologize. “Iwa-chan… I was insensitive before.”

He chews his lower lip, unsure how to proceed. “You really caught me by surprise, you know?”

Iwaizumi glances up at his face before turning his head to face away from Oikawa. Not good enough.

“Iwa-chan, please. I want to fix this. We’ve been out of sync for weeks and I… I don’t know how to deal with that. Aren’t we supposed to be the perfect partners?”

“I already told you what’s wrong. Let me go, Oikawa.”

“I can’t lose you, Iwa-chan! We only have one more chance, and then we might never get to play together again! We promised we’d go beat Ushiwaka and go to nationals together!”

“Volleyball, volleyball, everything’s about volleyball!” Iwaizumi slams a fist into the ground before taking a deep breath to steady himself. He props himself up on his arms to glare at Oikawa. “No, Oikawa, not everything’s about volleyball! Not for me! I’m trying my best to be the ace you deserve, but it’s hard to be around you when I’m so in love with you that sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe!”

“You’re really… you love me.”

And then, all of Iwaizumi’s ire is gone again. “Yeah… I do.”

“I don’t… I can’t… I… I can’t lose you, Iwa-chan.”

“Yeah.”

“I… never considered being in love with you.” 

“Yeah.”

“But I can’t lose you. Can’t we still be friends?”

“…Yeah.”

“I want us to go back to normal! To find our perfect trust again!”

“…Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let me up, Oikawa. We need to get to practice.” 

Oikawa pushes himself up and offers a hand to Iwaizumi, who stares at it for a long moment before getting up on his own. They turn back to the path towards Seijou, walking silently, their steps out of sync. 

Oikawa’s not sure he’s ever seen Iwaizumi this broken and dejected before. He fidgets with the zipper on his jacket, guilt bubbling uncomfortably in his stomach.

~~~

The team had stared at them all through practice. As Oikawa expected, the two of them had been even further out of sync than before, and had been completely distracted all through practice. Oikawa had flinched when his serve hit Iwaizumi in the back of the head and had somehow felt disappointed when Iwaizumi had wheeled on him to yell about being unfocused only to see Iwaizumi deflate and turn back around again.

“So, trouble in paradise, then.” Matsukawa places an elbow on Oikawa’s left shoulder and leans heavily. Hanamaki does the same on Oikawa’s right, nodding sagely along. “I don’t know what you did to make Iwaizumi so sullen, but you should fix it.”

Oikawa roughly throws them off. “Wha - ! Why are you implying it’s my fault?”

Matsukawa’s glances at him lazily. “Isn’t it?”

The cold chill down Oikawa’s spine made him snap his mouth shut. Even though Matsukawa isn’t right about the cause for the rift between him and Iwaizumi, he is right that Oikawa has to do something to fix his friendship with Iwaizumi, and fast.

**Author's Note:**

> I was intending to keep this a one-shot, but I figured it would be easier for me to split this up. (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) I hope to finish writing part two and to have it posted in the next week. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments/Kudos/Feedback are very much appreciated. ♡


End file.
